Male Wardrobe Malfunctions

How nice must it to be a man in the morning?

I start thinking about what to wear sometime between making coffee and finishing my first Sudoku puzzle. Before heading to the shower, I have a primary and secondary outfit picked out. To simplify my life, I tend to shy away from loud colours and stick to a uniform of black and white clothing because it's easier to match and therefore requires less planning.

Besides washing my hair, which really does bore me, getting dressed in the morning is one of my least favourite things to do. Men sure do seem to have it easy. They don't have to choose between skirts, dresses, Bermuda shorts, leggings, etc. It's simply pants and a shirt. Seems pretty simple to me.

So how then do men seem to manage so many odd clothing choices? Here are a few I've noticed (in no particular order).

1. Starts with an "S" and ends with an "ew". Actually, I'm referring to Speedos. I can't understand why, given the option of wearing something not so constricting, men wear these abhorrent outfits.
   

   
    

2. Little Backpacks. They look ridiculous. Get a full sized pack for the love of God. This looks especially silly when wearing a suit with the backpack.
   

   
    

3. Socks with sandals. Often seen on women, but men are definitely the primary offender.
   

   
    

4. Skinny Jeans. This one is best left to the ladies.
   

   
    

If I'm missing anything, ladies, feel free to let me know.